Tag Archives: sarcasm

Ageing gracefully

I met some old
college buddies
for drinks, after ages,
the other day.

‘Old’ is apt since
we all left college nearly
three decades back.

I tried to find the wild
friends from the first flush
of my youth, in that gathering
of greying, potbellied
men with receding hairlines.

Where were those
mad fucks who drove bikes full throttle,
drank till they threw up,
fell in love every other day,
fucked without a care or a condom,
watched every movie
first day,first show?

W here were the fiery
radicals who stoned police
jeeps during strikes,
smoked way too many joints,
read only obscure authors,
argued all night,
and subsisted solely on scalding tea?

They are all dead, obviously.

We killed them.
With our own hands.

Now we are just a group of
ageing ex-murderers
who keep awake at night
worrying about money
and go for morning walks.

Morning walks are good
for the heart, it seems.

Even for hearts that
have forgotten how to beat.

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On your engagement

A post on Facebook
informed me today
that you got engaged.

To some loser.

The kind you are so
good at finding.

I was surprised by the
range of emotions
coursing through me now
– from outrage,
to disappointment to
a sense of irreparable loss.

Like the way I’d feel
if I read someone
bought the fucking
Taj Mahal.

You are monumental, babe!

I can not believe you
agreed to be somebody’s
private property.

No one can or should
try to own you.
Ever.

You know more than anyone
else how ill suited
you are for the outmoded
institution of marriage.

You, who can get bored
of anything in about ten
seconds flat, settling
for ‘happily ever after’?

The only girl
I know who could
pop three acid tabs
without a second
thought, doing
veggie shopping?

Are you kidding me?

You are too wild in
your heart to be
domesticated.

Please don’t get me wrong.
I wish you well and all that.
I wish I could wish you get old
and toothless with this
particular chump.
Chimp.
Champ.

But it seems highly unlikely.

I give the whole thing a year.
Two at most.

And hope to meet you
sadder but wiser,
older but available,
divorced but happy
on the other side.

In the meantime,
congratulations.

Wow!

I’m not good
at this ‘losing gracefully’
business at all, am I?